My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
