I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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