I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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