Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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