I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
