I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
