I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
