I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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