haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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