"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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