No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
