im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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