Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
