if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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