Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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