Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
