My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
