he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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