I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
