I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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