Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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