i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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