these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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