ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
