I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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