yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
