I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize