she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
