i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
