don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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