make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
