The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
