put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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