Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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