then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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