If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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