who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
