I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
