the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
