After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize