I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
