We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
