Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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