he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
