I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
