Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
