Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
