I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
