I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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