his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
