You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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