new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
