if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
