sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
