I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
