...so i touched it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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