But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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