my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
