Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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