Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
