Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
