from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
