I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
