billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
