you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
