Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
