I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
