Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
