Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This house was built for laser tag.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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