Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
