it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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