the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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