Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
