I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
