just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
