sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
