It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
