ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
