woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
