she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
