I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
