my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
