Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
