Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
