Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
