I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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