So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
