DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
