They should really pass out barf bags in church
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
