I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
