Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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