I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
