Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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