All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
