i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
