we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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