Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
