I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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