I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
