her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
