a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize