she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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